Interracial dating racism
I’ve received messages that said, "I love BBC," or "I never been with a Black guy before," or, on the opposite end of the "no Blacks" spectrum, I've seen white men who are "not into white guys, sorry."When I'm dating a white man, I occasionally feel like I need to confront the issue of race head-on and acknowledge the difference in life experiences between me and my partner.It can be frustrating, but also deeply enriching, to teach someone about my cultural upbringing.And when I scroll through Grindr’s grid of faceless torsos, I find myself only messaging guys with complexions lighter than a paper bag.Even in person, when I’m trying to muster up the courage to talk to a cute guy, I first wonder if he’s "into black guys." I hate myself for even having to contemplate these things, and I’m now left asking myself: And the more I think about it, the more complicated the answer seems. The only gay people I saw in the media were white, and the few Black queer celebrities that I knew of, like Wanda Sykes and Michael Sam, were in interracial relationships.Statements like "no fats or fems" or "no Blacks or Asians" litter profiles in hookup communities on Grindr, Jack'd, and similar platforms.Thankfully, marginalized queer communities have started to call out those hurtful comments as acts of discrimination rather than statements of preference.While I may flirt or develop friendships with other Black gay men, I’ve never seriously pursued a relationship with one.When I’m on Tinder, the men I’m more likely to swipe right are usually athletic white men between 21 and 30.
A larger conversation about the racist, fat-phobic, and misogynist language of gay dating apps has also begun, which has allowed me to see that my dating prospects may also be a result of problematic societal messaging.
But when I discussed my issue with friends, other queer men of color, they all said I have a type: white men.
I tried to deny it, but when I thought about my dating history, I realized that my friends were right.
They were estranged from our family, partly because of their health and their sexual orientation.
I never had the chance to speak to either one while they were alive, but I often wonder what advice or mentorship they could have provided me as a young Black gay male coming of age in such a sheltered environment.